


Holes That Do Not Heal

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Songfic, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 22:05:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6059763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Mario tries to find out what is going on with Angus, his friend tells him there is nothing to say. Tag to 1x17.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holes That Do Not Heal

**Author's Note:**

> I thought the first set of lyrics from "Incomplete" by the Backstreet Boys actually fit what was going on in Mario's mind after the episode. It's such a song filled with angst that I had to use it, especially regarding of how hard Mario tried to speak to Angus in this episode. Am I the only one who thinks the person Angus tells is Mario? That's perfect, in my opinion. Fingers crossed hoping that it will happen.

_Holes That Do Not Heal_

           

 _“I don’t care.”_ The tone and the words echoed in Mario’s mind as he reflected what had happened in the past shift. He supposed that it had been foolhardy to believe that somehow Angus wouldn’t find out what happened between him and Heather. The mask of anger and stillness, the slight smile on Angus’ face as he heard Heather’s mostly one-sided conversation burned in Mario’s mind. _“So that’s what it is.”_ Mario had never thought that he wanted to run as much as he did when he tried catching up to Angus. He remembered of how the light brown-haired resident didn’t truly look at him, not out of anger, but…something else. The specific and elusive emotion Mario couldn’t name didn’t reach Angus’ eyes, and Mario never felt so _wrong_ as he slapped Angus’ hand in solidarity.

 _Something is wrong._ It wasn’t just the apathetic reaction to Mario sleeping with a surgical resident Angus used to have a crush on. It was that Angus was _good_ with two of the many patients today, his reflexes faster than normal. _He’s usually good, but not_ that _good._ Although most would often overlook Angus’ skill in emergency medicine, Mario knew that his friend would one day become a better doctor than him. _Friend._ The single word echoed in his mind as the first year resident moved to his locker. Christa and the others had already left. _I never truly thought of actually having a friend._ Mario had acknowledged that there was something tying him down to Angels. The words _family_ and _friendship_ and _love_ had no meaning to him growing up as a young grimy boy who had parents too addicted to their “recreational drugs” to remember they had a son. Even with his grandmother, the relationship was civil at best. But here in Angels…something had happened the day Gina Perello had died. Dr. Hudson had stated that the woman lying dead with blood up to their elbows was one of their own. Mario had stared at the woman who had once called him a long shot. A person who got into the hospital when he didn’t truly belong there, but somehow got in.

The first-year resident hadn’t been able to sleep after that hellish day that had Malaya upstairs and one of their own dead. Mario had made a promise to himself then. Normally, he would scoff and not believe in words that people often lied to, but somehow Angels had changed his outlook on things. _I promise to not be a long shot. I’ll work as damn hard as I can, and show them all that I can be the best goddamned doctor I can be._ Mario had stated once that he felt like a fraud. Like he didn’t belong working in a hospital. But as he stared at his locker without blinking, Mario realized of how much his promise meant to him.

And of how he considered Angus his friend. _No,_ Mario thought as he remembered the other residents and Jesse. Even Dr. Rorish, who was now the director of the ER, remained somewhat closer that the specific definition. _Angus is…my best friend._

“Hey.” An awkward smile appeared on Mario’s lips as Angus came into view. “Do you want to grab a drink?”

“Can’t.” The lighter-haired resident didn’t look up as he started putting his stethoscope into his locker. “I have errands to run.”

“Okay.” The words came out more quickly than Mario had expected them too. For some reason, Angus’ words felt like a punch to the gut. Mario tried to ignore the hard ball growing in his stomach as Angus continued to not look in his direction. The sound of his name approached his lips, but Mario stayed silent as his friend continued to stare blankly at the ceiling.

“Listen, Angus –” _I never thought I would never be having this conversation._ Angus’ blue eyes briefly met Mario’s before drifting away. Mario heaved a breath. “Are you okay?”

“What?” Angus’ eyes narrowed, and the defensive stance caused Mario to want to back away. “I’m fine, Mario.” He swallowed, and wouldn’t meet the dark-haired resident’s eyes. “I don’t need you to _care_ about me. I have Mike for that.”

 _Something is seriously wrong,_ the first-year resident thought as he stared Angus who was rubbing his forehead. _He would never say that to me._

_…Right?_

“This is _talking_ , Angus.” Mario inwardly wanted to laugh. Was he really so far gone with his emotions that he was saying the same thing Angus had said to him, months ago. “It’s what friends do.”

Angus didn’t react. For a moment, he simply stared at Mario. Then he shook his head.

“There’s nothing to say.”

Angus was walking away from him.

“Hey!” Mario half-shouted as he watched his friend’s back. “Don’t walk away from me!”

 _Shit…_ Mario thought as he watched Angus walk out of the locker room with a slam.

“Angus!” Mario shouted as he ran across the halls to find his friend. “Angus!”

His mind continued to echo with Angus’ name as Mario watched with dark eyes as Angus walked away. Without looking at him. Without acting as if he didn’t exist.

 _I didn’t think it would hurt this much,_ Mario vaguely thought as he found himself back to the counter table with multiple red folders scattered everywhere. His hands were clasped together, and Mario found himself slightly leaning against the counter. _It kind of makes sense, though._ I’m _the one who pushes people away, not the other way around._

“Dr. Savetti.” Mario looked up and saw Mike Leighton look at him with slight concern. “I thought your shift –”

“Angus refused a drink with me,” Mario stated suddenly. A vague bubble of laugher emerged from his throat. “Can you imagine that?”

Mike looked at him strangely. “I can’t imagine a reason why anyone would not like to drink with Dr. Mario Savetti.”

_I still have that reputation, huh?_

“Does Angus seem strange to you?” Mario asked. He was surprised when his question abruptly caused Mike to straighten, and Mario observed the attending carefully as he supplied the concern. “He seems off. I’ve never seen him so quick in Center Stage before.”

“Maybe he’s just improving his skills,” Mike stated with a hint of defensiveness.

“Maybe,” Mario said with a sigh. He turned to Mike and said, “I just wonder if something is wrong with him, because –”

“Your jealousy is talking, Savetti.” There was faint malice in Mike’s voice.

“Jealousy?” Mario almost wanted to laugh. _And now back to last names, too?_ “I’m not jealous,” the resident stated with sharp anger. “I’m trying to figure what the hell is going on! Ever since what happened with Malaya, I haven’t had the chance to talk to him, but he looks like he’s haunted or something!” Mike’s eyes widened from Mario’s words, and the resident took a pause to reign his emotions together. “Not like the hero that people say he is, and he was too _good_ today to –”

“Listen to me.” Mike’s voice was dangerously calm. “I don’t know what relationship you have, but you have to let this go.” The attending shook his head and stared at Mario in slight disgust. “You don’t have to start questioning why my brother is a better doctor than you, Savetti.”

“I told you,” Mario stated with anger burning in his chest. “I don’t _care_ that he’s a better doctor than me. I’m concerned about him.” Mike gave him a look. “What?” Mario asked incredulously.

“Since when you have _cared_ about anyone, Mario?” Mike’s eyes, so much like Angus’ hardened. For some reason, the words struck Mario in the heart, and the resident forced himself to not move as Mike continued to speak. “Especially my little brother.” The attending turned away, and gave one glance at Mario before walking away. “Whatever you are, you’re not his friend.”

_“Maybe it’s because I realized I had nothing to say.”_

Mario had no idea where he was going. For some reason he was walking around the city. Aimless. He had no reason to be here, and yet here was. His dark eyes didn’t look at the sights. Mario wet his lips and scuffed his feet, feeling something…that caused him to wander around the city. His mind was still focused on Angus. The expressions on his face as he stated there was nothing to say, and Mario calling his friend’s name to talk to him. Unlike with Heather, there were so many things Mario wanted to know about Angus. He still remembered the facial hair that had covered his friend’s face, almost wanting to comment as soon as he saw it but didn’t at the tired look in his friend’s eyes.

 _Talk to me, Angus._ Mario thought. _Talk to me. Tell me why you’re acting so strange._ It had been such a long time since he had seen Angus his normal happy self – the smile and laughter that Mario secretly thought defined him. _Just stop this, Angus._ Mario squeezed his eyes shut at the image of Angus drinking with him for the first time, laughter peeling from his mouth. _Just stop this._

Mario jolted as he felt someone push him aside. He was about to call out with a retort, but his voice failed as he spotted the familiar jacket that Angus always wore. The slight overweight build and light brown hair echoed in Mario’s mind as the young man – _Angus –_ started to realize who was watching him from his stare and started to run.

“Angus!” Mario shouted. Instinctively, he started to run after him, not caring who he pushed aside as long as he found his friend. “Angus, wait!” Mario cursed as he pushed a group of giggling teenage girls aside. His friend’s back was nowhere to be seen. “Angus!”

His friend was gone. Enveloped in the crowd, swallowed. Mario could vaguely see the crowd slightly parting as the young resident continued to stand motionlessly, his eyes staring blankly ahead.

“Hey.” It was one of the teenage girl’s. Her mascara was too think and she smelled of cheap beer. “Whoever he was, he doesn’t deserve you.”

A part of Mario wanted to laugh hysterically. _What is it with people and assuming I’m gay? Or that Angus and I have a thing?_ Angus’ comment about the drug he had ordered with _his_ name echoed in his mind as Ted’s words about being the future him burned like fire as Mario suddenly swallowed.

“We’re not…” His voice failed him, and Mario vaguely heard the girl made some flippant comment before walking away as Mario stared at the place where Angus had last been standing.

Strangely, he was still able to walk away.

            

_Empty spaces_

_Fill me up with holes_

_Distant faces_

_With no place left to go_

_Without you_

_Within me_

_I can’t find no rest_

_Where I’m going_

_Is anybody’s guess_

_I tried to go on like I never knew you_

_I’m awake_

_But my world is half-asleep_

_I pray_

_For this heart to be unbroken_

_But without you all I’m going to be is_

_Incomplete_


End file.
